When the U.S. declared war on Afghanistan a month later in response to the attacks by al-Qaeda, Canada immediately joined the coalition and sent 40,000 soldiers to serve. By the time the operation ended in 2014, 158 Canadian soldiers had lost their lives in what proved to be the longest conflict in Canadian military history.

A year after 9/11, tragedy struck our own family. Our younger son, Max, was killed in a traffic accident while we were on vacation in British Columbia. Suddenly, we were moving through the intense grief of losing a child, trying to hold ourselves together. What gave me hope during those difficult years was the love and compassion I received from my colleagues in politics and journalism — both Canadian and American. They would embrace me, walk with me, take me out for lunch, give me little objects of strength. Some shared how they too had faced painful losses and had learned how to endure. They put us on the path of adopting our daughter, Jasmine, from China.

Today, Canada’s relationship with the U.S. is strained. As I look back on 9/11 and Canada’s response, I wonder: will individual Canadians continue to reach across the border and build friendships with their colleagues in the U.S., the way they did back then, the way my colleagues did for me?

For me personally, remembering our shared history with the U.S. is critical in forging a path forward even in these times of strained relations. It’s my hope that we will deepen our ties with our southern neighbours and restore the trust that saw us through those dark days of September 2001.