You know, I’m thinking that glamping would be awfully nice right now. I’ve been living outside now for well over a month paddling north on the Yukon River, and the Arctic Circle is drawing near.

What? You’ve never heard of “glamping”? Glamping, short for glamour camping, is the tourist industry’s hottest niche market. And right now it’s looking pretty good to my blood-shot eyes. Wealthy English aristocrats thought up the original concept 150 years ago for their Africa safaris. Then sultans from the Ottoman Empire refined the concept to its present level of luxurious enlightenment. It’s five star camping for the pampered diva or corporate executive. And you’ll find them everywhere. Well, maybe not up here in the Yukon and Alaska wilderness where I’m swatting bugs.

So how do you go about glamping? It all begins with picking a theme! You can choose anything from a Swiss Family Robinson tree house getaway or a Huck Finn theme, to an Arctic trapper experience — all five star mind you! Think down duvets, hot tub, heated floor and original watercolour paintings. Unlike my tent, you’ll live in a climate-controlled designer yurt decorated with opulent rugs and antique china. And don’t forget the king-sized bed and heated floor.
Of course they all have romantic sound-surround music to titillate your audio senses. I’ve got that too — sound-surround music — though I’m serenaded by swarms of mosquitoes singing about the delicious taste of my blood. I don’t want to complain but I’d prefer Beethoven.

What about dining? That’s one of my favourite subjects. Rather than the “old school” burnt hot dogs and baked beans that some campers “enjoy,” you’ll enjoy a six-course haute cuisine fit for a Saudi prince prepared by a cordon bleu chef named Jacques. Oh pardon moi! I forgot to tell you about the Belgium chocolates. And the wine list! Oh….

So if you’re a double-income, multi-tasking executive interested in sampling some existential delights, try glamping. You might even decide to toss out your old mildewed sleeping bag, ripped bug
net and leaking tent.

Perhaps if I just ring my bell for service right now, Jacques will appear with a wine list.

Happy glamping.