Without going into step-by-step detail, let me just say this: there are 15 separate actions — twisting, pumping, unscrewing, inserting (don’t ask), rotating and pushing among them — involved in making an espresso with the Handpresso Pump. Fifteen! Does that seem like too many to you? It did to me. By the time I got to step 16 — “Finally, relax and enjoy your espresso” — I was apoplectic with a rage that could not be quenched by the piddling amount of coffee in my cup. And yes, it has occurred to me that cutting down on my coffee consumption could make me less volatile.

But still. Would using the Handpresso Pump have been any easier to do on a mountain, an alpine wind scattering my precious Lavazza grounds across the scree? Or on that sailboat, maybe, pumping the contraption to 16 bars of pressure while trying to gauge wind direction, work the tiller and keep an eye on the goddamn kettle? No.

And that’s the problem with the Handpresso Pump. It’s marketed as a brilliant take-it-anywhere convenience but it’s actually a disappointing $150 hassle.

Hey, can I get a cup of instant down here?